No Different

They met online. 13 years ago. Both bored out of their wits, looking for distraction from monotonous work. They resorted to the Internet for entertainment, recreation, any form of relaxation that it afforded them.

While other people met in cafes or restaurants for the first time, Sam and Gina (names changed to protect their privacy and identities) met in a chat room. Call it cyber blind date, if you will. As in any other blind date, it was awkward at first. Neither of them knew the other, much less their interests, hobbies, greatest hopes and dreams. They forget now what the first topic was. But each vividly remembers how, after only a few minutes of chatting with each other, both of them instantly fell into the rhythm of the familiar, like they had known each other for ages. What began as one-hour midday chats during lunch break (having cyber lunch dates) became nightly heart-to-hearts, often extending until the wee hours of the morning.

And then they met. In person this time. Oh, the anticipation. Those weren’t mere butterflies. They were Queen Alexandra’s Birdwings in their stomachs. Huge. Because they had already spent a lot of time getting to know each other online, they didn’t find it hard to become comfortable with each other in person. It was just like in the chat room; only that that time, there were no fiber optics in between. They even held hands for the first time. The feeling was incredible.

They fell in love. Others said too quickly. There were even people who warned that they would not last together, considering the circumstances of how they met, and how fast things got serious. But they were unperturbed. They knew it would work. They were both sure it was for the long haul.

They made it a point to set every other Friday as their date night, just the two of them. No excuses, no absences, no interruptions. It was a non-negotiable Friday date night that even their mothers had to put up with. Saturday evenings were DVD nights; either at Sam’s, or Gina’s, it didn’t matter. And Sundays were spent with family; either with their own, or the two families together.

Yes, it was juvenile, but they agreed that they both wanted the cheesiness of monthsaries. At first, monthsaries were mere wine and dine events. Not long after, they became short getaways – three-day weekends at the beach, hiking, in an amusement park – whatever suited their fancy at the moment. Or whatever seat sale they chanced upon on the Net.

On their 60^th monthsary, they sat down and talked. They both knew it was time. They decided to spend the next 12 monthsaries saving up. By their 72^nd monthsary, they’d already bought a house and a car. They even adopted a dog, and they named her Jolie.

On the full moon of their 75^th month, they moved in together. They lived like husband and wife, only without the official vows. They woke up, went to work, bought groceries, paid bills, went on their Friday date nights, slept together, just like any couple living together. And just like any other couple, they had their fights, of course. It wasn’t rosy all the time, no matter how hard they tried. Sometimes, the shouting got too loud, Jolie would whimper to her corner bed and mope. But as always, they made up. They managed to settle their differences.

Because of the recession, Gina was in danger of losing her job. Before she got laid off, they both decided that she should just resign. It was a difficult decision. But nothing could be more difficult than their decision for Gina to seek greener pasture abroad, especially because they had bills to pay, mortgages to worry about.

It was a tough first few weeks away from each other. The first time, in all their years together. They tried hard to make it work, but both were just too busy and preoccupied with work. It was a struggle keeping the communication constant and consistent. Sometimes they were just too tired after work that all they wanted to do was sleep, and not Skype. Friday date nights were not the same anymore. They couldn’t go back to the enthusiasm of being able to keep in touch online, even if that was how it all started for them.

And Gina didn’t like what she was feeling. She was actually...happy. She felt so alive being on her own. Not having to worry about another human being. Or a dog. In fact, she liked what she was feeling, but was unable to come to terms with it. She began questioning her feelings for Sam. But before it got out of hand, she decided to come home. It wasn’t worth it, she said. She couldn’t lose Sam. Not after everything.

Back together, it was as if those months apart didn’t exist. Waking up in each other’s arms the morning after Gina arrived, yesterday seemed like the day she left. Everything was right with the world again.

Until one Friday date night, when they were driving on the way to the restaurant. Sam’s phone beeped, and the screen was too big for Gina to miss the name of the person who sent a message: MonSeulEtUnique. My one and only. And Gina knew right then and there: it was the beginning of the end.

Sam fell in love with another while Gina was away. It all happened so fast, both of them were caught off guard. Sam confessed everything, and left the house, taking Jolie and the car, leaving Gina and her world in pieces.

The wounds are fresh. Gina is still grieving. There are moments when she thinks she’ll go crazy. She feels cheated, not only because Sam cheated on her and destroyed their life together, but because she chose to save the relationship even when she felt she wanted out. To her, it feels like a rug was pulled right out from under her. She wanted to scream at Sam, for stealing 13 years of her life, for wasting her prime, for choosing somebody else to take her place.

Right now, she takes comfort in the fact that they didn’t get married. She’s seen what hell an annulment could be, how it destroyed what little was left of the souls of people, of children. Somehow, she is thankful that they decided not to go to the US to get married, that same-sex marriages are not yet allowed in the country. That presented a tiny glimmer of hope that she can move on from this much easier. Badly scarred, but still whole.

Gina and Samantha’s story made me realize that LGBT couples were no different from straights. In fact, up to this point, I’m sure you didn’t think they were a lesbian couple. LGBT couples go through the same ecstatic beginnings, awkward struggles, balancing acts, and everyday choices. They fall in love like everybody else does. They fall out of love like everyone else. They are faithful. They cheat. They can be selfless, or selfish, just like any other human being. They can be as great as any, or suffer the same folly as you and I.

Many people think they are different, too different it makes them uncomfortable. But they are not. They deserve the kindness, love and compassion that we must accord every other individual, regardless of gender, of race, and of creed.

Look in the mirror. Our hearts break the same way.