Absentee

It was raining hard. And I was lost.

I couldn't find the way to McDonald's Recto because it was too dark, and the streets were filled with people, merchandise and filth. It was getting too frustrating that I started to cry.

Pride held back the tears at first. But the realization that you weren't going to show up yet again, that I would have to face it all on my own again, was just too strong it burst open the floodgates. And soon I could hardly see through the double layer of gushing water.

Then I found it. McDonald's Recto. I called the party representative to make sure I was at the right place. I also called to buy time. I had to let the redness and the puffiness subside. The last thing I wanted was a total stranger being all worried about me, when all I wanted was you giving a fuck about us.

When I stopped looking like a human edema, I walked out of the car and into the store. I paid the balance for the party reservation, with the money I borrowed from my sister. How humiliating to have to ask for money from a younger sibling, all because you walked out at the last minute.

We finalized the preparations, the program, and everything else needed the next day. You'd think I was 100% in shape, that everything was absolutely peachy. I had to fake it. I had to fake even the excitement, when all I could feel was dread. I didn't know I could be that good an actor.

Party day came, and it was off to a rocky start. I didn't know how to get all prep tasks done and at the same time be at the venue to welcome everyone. I was driving around like crazy, picking up stuff, dropping off stuff, firing off texts to guests asking for directions.

Hard to believe it, but everyone had a blast. The kids, even the adults, they all had fun. Everyone happily went home with a warm heart and a full tummy. It was a success. Again, despite your absence, I pulled it off.

Someone took a picture of me that day, and I posted it on FB. I still look at it from time to time, after all these years. It is sort of a reminder, a testament, to what we can be, even without you.

They said I was radiant in that picture. Blooming. A friend even said it deserved a spot at one of the giant Guadalupe billboards. Another said I couldn't look happier.

I never knew I could be that good an actor. I have retired since.